WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
