Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
