If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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