I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
