After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
