I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
