I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize