I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
