so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
