I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize