Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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