just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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