i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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