My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
