I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am puke
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
