so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
