tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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