Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
