he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
