Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
