Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
