I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
