i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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