alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you would pick up someone in the library
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
