i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
