So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
