Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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