Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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