Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
