White coat. Heels.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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