the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
