I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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