A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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