Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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