just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
