ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
