she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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