New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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