I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
