Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize