My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
