I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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