I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
