mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im holly from the hills drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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