I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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