On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
