i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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