i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
