i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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