Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
