I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
