ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize