Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
