Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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