He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize