someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
