come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
