He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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