the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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