i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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