the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
