you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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