Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
