Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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