the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
