JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
