he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
