Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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