Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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