I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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