Sponge bath it is.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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