Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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