Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
