When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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