They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
