I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
