So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
