Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
