Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
