make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
