The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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