You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
