I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
