This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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