I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
