I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
