Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
