I cannot find my penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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