There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
