Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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