I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
