Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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