i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize