just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
