What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Randomize
