My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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