You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
