new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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