38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
