she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
