you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
