me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
