Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
