capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
