i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
