I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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