Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
