it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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